Waiting.....

Backgroud for those that don't know, or don't remember

The waiting all started about 18 months ago when we signed on to this roller coaster ride you might know as "The Adoption Process".  The waiting got more intense about 6 months ago when we started talking with a birthmom about adopting her baby.  We went into this situation knowing that it was possible we would wait 6 months and not end up with a baby.  However, we felt God led us to the situation and we were going to follow Him into it.  We did not meet her through our agency so we have been the ones in contact with her this entire 6 months.  At the very beginning I told her she had to sign on with our agency and so we met with our social worker and all was well.....so I thought....she never turned in paperwork to them so they have never really considered her a client.  I have just been keeping them up to date on how things are going with her and have encouraged her to call them.  I have WAITED AND WAITED and she has never called them.  However, with me she continues to say she wants to place the baby with us she hasn't changed her mind, etc. 

Now for the roller coaster part

In October she started having some blood pressure issues and was in the hospital off and on.  She told us the doctor thought the baby would come early and that we should be prepared for an extended stay in the NICU.  She said she would not go past 36 weeks.  So we geared up to get a baby before Thanksgiving.  There was lots of confusing things going on during this time with the social workers telling us stuff, etc.  (not going to go into all of that detail on here but just take my word some very confusing stuff has gone on since October).  Then came the silence!  Silence is a very hard thing when you have been in constant contact with someone.  It was about two weeks of hearing nothing and no response to e-mails or texts.  Very, very unusual.  So with all of the confusing information we were getting and with no hearing anything I had decided to move on and to let myself move on.  I sent her an e-mail and Daniel and I decided that if we hadn't heard from her by Sunday we assumed she had changed her mind.  Well, we heard from her on Sunday and she said that she had not changed her mind and explained why she had been out of touch etc.  oh and that her blood pressure had stablaized so the doctor would induce the 1st or 2nd week of December.  That was two weeks ago and I have heard from her once since then and now nothing.

Now, this short story cannot adequately describe the emotional ups and downs I have been on through this journey. Despite the ups and downs, however, I have continually clung to the fact that God has us here for a reason and we are going to stick with this until He moves us on.  He gave me this verse at the very beginning and I quote it often as a reminder, Prov. 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."

Now, back to the waiting story.....

This has been a story full of waiting and at times not knowing what we are waiting for.  This has never been a straight forward situation.  It has always been risky and unknown.  But, God has always been with us each step of the way. However, God is REALLY trying to get the message to me that I need to wait and He does not intend to let me forget the message.  So since He is continually giving me the theme, I will continue to wait!  I want to share with you some of the ways God has told me towait.  I was laughing about it again tonight because once again God was telling me He has me right where He wants me and that is WAITING!

Why am I telling all of you this?

I write these things because I know God is going to do something big and He has big plans for us.  I don't know what they are and it may not be bringing home this baby, but He has us here for a reason and I want all of you to get to see Him work too!  I want you to see His glory in our adoption #3!  On top of these stories all throughout this journey at times when I have been discouraged God has always given me a verse or some type of encouragment at just the time when I would need it.  It would "just happen" to be a verse in my daily Bible reading that would "jump" out of the page at me.  

Now for what you have been waiting for, the waiting stories....

• Story #1:  There was a point, sometime in November, that I was worn out emotinally.  I had been strong and had faith that this was all going to happen and things were getting more and more confusing and I was just ready to know if this was going to work out or not and I told Daniel, "I'm tired of being strong, I'm done, I'm ready to move on."  This was said right before I went to bed.  The very next morning I woke up and the first thing I did was look up the Bible verse the kids needed to learn for school.  The verse was, "Wait for the Lord, be strong, take heart, and wait for the Lord."  I could not believe the very words I used the night before were in the verse.  Okay God, guess you want me to be strong a little bit longer and wait a little bit longer.
• Story #2:  In the midst of the couple of weeks that we had not heard anyting I was getting a bit discouraged.  My Mom called and said she wanted to tell me something.  She told me about her friend calling, a friend she hadn't talked to in awhile.  The friend asked her how she was doing and told her that God had laid our family on her heart.  She said she had been praying and that God laid it on her heart that day to call and ask my Mom what she should be praying for.  So my Mom was giving her an update on all of us and she started talking about our adoption situation.  Her friend said, "that is it, that is what God is wanting me to be praying about, thanks!".  I found it so encouraging and comforting to know that God had laid it on someone's heart to pray specifically about our adoption process.  My Mom told me to hang in there and keep waiting  God hasn't forgotten about you or the situation.
• Story #3:  I mentioned this above but Daniel and I had decided to move on if we hadn't heard from her by Sunday (this was a Sunday in November).  We were going to tell the agency to show our profile again if we didn't hear from her.  Well, we heard from her that Sunday and it was very encouraging what she said to us.  So, once again I got the message, hold on Christy,wait!   I still want you right here, right where I have you!
• Story #4:  Week after Thanksgiving.  Agency is putting pressure on us to move on.  We don't feel like we can move on.  I spoke to a minister friend of ours that knows about the situation and is involved.  He said, "wait".  He could have said it in many different ways but as soon as he said the word wait I smiled to myself and said, "okay, God, I'll keep waiting".  It is oh so hard to wait, but I will wait.
• Story #5:  This brings us to today.  I had a pretty rough day yesterday.  I was pretty down and discouraged.  Really not understanding what is going on and not sure how to proceed from here.  I completely trust that God has this and He definitely knows what is going on.   However, it is so hard to know what to do or plan when you don't know if you will have a baby in a few days or if this is all just going to fizzle and not go anywhere.  Today I've been on a "high"  and my faith has been pretty strong.  So I went from a pretty deep low yesterday to a pretty high, high today.   I have Bible Study tonight and it has been awhile since we have met so I was not really familiar with what we were going to cover.  So, I got my book out and started to read.  On the very first page here are some of the phrases I read.... "....theirwaiting consists of hopeful endurance secured by a promise they know is on its way."  That is how I felt today on my high, I feel like God has something (even a baby) on its way!  It goes on to say, "....even while we're waiting and it seems like nothing is happening, God is still working."  Yep, I've felt that way and I believe God is working!  The next page says, "What sacrificial, scary, risky, or costly decision have you made in obedience to God?  And what were the results?  (Be honest if it hasn't been easy.)"  Well, let's see Adoption #3 has been all of the above and NO it has NOT been easy.  I was upset yesterday because I feel like people (and the agency) think we are crazy for holding on and holding out hope because of all of the crazy ups and downs and unknowns.  Then my study goes on to say, "God does not always call us to the normal or logical."  I feel like God has called us here and we don't know why and sometimes it doesn't seem logical but we both feel this is where He wants us and we are going to stay here.  

Thank you God for bringing us here.  This was certainly not the easy way, it has been a long, bumpy road and at times felt like there were HUGE mountains in the path.  We still don't know where You will take this or if it will end in us bring a baby home.  But we know You have us here.  And we want to be right where You want us.  Lord, we know you can move mountains and we pray that You will!  But, even if it doesn't turn out the way I hope, I know you had us here for good and You will bring about good from it (and You already have).  Please help me as I continue to wait...sometimes not patiently.  Forgive me for that and for my doubts.  May You be glorified in all of this AMEN!!!