I’ve never thought of myself as a stubborn person….and
in most areas I’m really not. I’m too
much of a people pleaser to hold my ground and be stubborn about things. But apparently in the subject of waiting on
God and His timing I’m pretty stubborn in learning that it is worth the
wait! I feel like the children of
Israel, constantly forgetting what good, good things God has done! (I’m not proud of this, just being
honest).
As many of you know we started the process to update
our homestudy and begin the foster/adopt process again. We felt this was the direction God was
leading us this time around and thought it was time to “do the next thing.” As the months went on and we
continued to meet hurdle after hurdle the waiting and the patience got harder
and harder. I continued to pray and ask
God to work in all of this, and knew He would, but there were many points where
I thought maybe this was NOT what God was leading us to. The wait got harder and the anxiety started
to creep in. What if we have to start
all over again? What if I don’t have the
energy to do it all again? What if I’m
not ready for more children that could possibly be difficult? God are you sure this is where you are
leading us?
In the midst of all of this we started packing up our
house getting it ready to put on the market.
We really want to be open to a sibling group and with the current space
we have that would not be an option.
This seemed like a daunting task, but as the weeks have gone on I have
gotten a lot done. I’ve bought paint and
am ready to tackle some projects in the next couple of weeks. I have prayed specifically for the last few
months that God would send us someone who would want to buy our house. I have prayed we can sell it quickly. The last few weeks, due to some other
circumstances, the doubt and anxiety that we can do this started to creep
in.
I have a few other things going on in life that aren’t
really for sharing on a public blog like this.
Just little things that can seem big at times. Things that have the potential to be
big. Transitions all around (as if
selling a house, buying a house, updating a homestudy are not enough
transition)! With all of that I’ve
really had to be on the battle front to keep the stress and anxiety at bay….and
I’m not always winning the battle.
As I reflect on my thoughts the last week or so a song
came to mind (written by Andrew Peterson).
And sometimes this is where I am….
“It's
enough to drive a man crazy; it'll break a man's faith
It's enough to make him wonder if he's ever been sane
When he's bleating for comfort from Thy staff and Thy rod
It's enough to make him wonder if he's ever been sane
When he's bleating for comfort from Thy staff and Thy rod
And the heaven's only
answer is the silence of God “
I do sometimes feel I’m going crazy and wonder if I’ve
ever been sane!!! J I’ve struggled with anxiety in the past and
God has helped me greatly to overcome that in my life (but it tries to creep
back in at times). On Wednesday night we
studied Philippians 4, which is a passage God has greatly used in my life with
my struggles with anxiety. It is always
a good reminder that we are to “not be anxious about anything, but in
everything, by prayer and petition, with Thanksgiving, present your requests to
God, then the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your
heart and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
This was a reminder that though I have a ton of stuff going on, I should
not worry about any of it! God is going
to work it all out for good, whether He answers the way I am praying, or He has
a better way! It doesn’t matter if God
is being silent on the matter for a time.
That doesn’t mean he is not working or he doesn’t care. Despite knowing this, the struggle to not be
anxious has been real! I’ve been praying
about several situations this week and really hoping to hear some definite
answers! I’ve also been praying that I
will not be anxious about this.
On Sunday our pastor preached a sermon with the title
“When God answers our prayers with a yes.”
I laid down for a nap after church and once again prayed through the
things that have been weighing on my mind.
When I woke up from my nap I had one answer to prayer! Today I got a phone call that was an answer
to another prayer! Things seem to be
moving again with our homestudy and we are getting some answers about how to
move forward with our house! Such a good
reminder for me that God is hearing my prayers and He does care about what is
going on with us. When you are in a
period of silence it is so good to hear a little glimpse of God and get to peek
in a little into what His plans are. I
think we got a couple of yeses this week and I thank God for that! There is still so much that is uncertain and
so many unanswered questions. But I will
hang on to the little yes for now and continue to pray God shows us more of His
plan! Because I can tell you from experience
time and again that it is worth the wait!
God’s ways are so much better than anything we can think up on our
own!
God help me not to be stubborn in my faith! Help me to continue to trust that You have a
good plan and sometimes you just want me to wait! Help me not to be anxious but trust. Give me peace! And when you seem silent, help me to listen
harder. For today I will celebrate the
yeses and continue to wait on the rest!
