Waiting.....

Backgroud for those that don't know, or don't remember

The waiting all started about 18 months ago when we signed on to this roller coaster ride you might know as "The Adoption Process".  The waiting got more intense about 6 months ago when we started talking with a birthmom about adopting her baby.  We went into this situation knowing that it was possible we would wait 6 months and not end up with a baby.  However, we felt God led us to the situation and we were going to follow Him into it.  We did not meet her through our agency so we have been the ones in contact with her this entire 6 months.  At the very beginning I told her she had to sign on with our agency and so we met with our social worker and all was well.....so I thought....she never turned in paperwork to them so they have never really considered her a client.  I have just been keeping them up to date on how things are going with her and have encouraged her to call them.  I have WAITED AND WAITED and she has never called them.  However, with me she continues to say she wants to place the baby with us she hasn't changed her mind, etc. 

Now for the roller coaster part

In October she started having some blood pressure issues and was in the hospital off and on.  She told us the doctor thought the baby would come early and that we should be prepared for an extended stay in the NICU.  She said she would not go past 36 weeks.  So we geared up to get a baby before Thanksgiving.  There was lots of confusing things going on during this time with the social workers telling us stuff, etc.  (not going to go into all of that detail on here but just take my word some very confusing stuff has gone on since October).  Then came the silence!  Silence is a very hard thing when you have been in constant contact with someone.  It was about two weeks of hearing nothing and no response to e-mails or texts.  Very, very unusual.  So with all of the confusing information we were getting and with no hearing anything I had decided to move on and to let myself move on.  I sent her an e-mail and Daniel and I decided that if we hadn't heard from her by Sunday we assumed she had changed her mind.  Well, we heard from her on Sunday and she said that she had not changed her mind and explained why she had been out of touch etc.  oh and that her blood pressure had stablaized so the doctor would induce the 1st or 2nd week of December.  That was two weeks ago and I have heard from her once since then and now nothing.

Now, this short story cannot adequately describe the emotional ups and downs I have been on through this journey. Despite the ups and downs, however, I have continually clung to the fact that God has us here for a reason and we are going to stick with this until He moves us on.  He gave me this verse at the very beginning and I quote it often as a reminder, Prov. 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."

Now, back to the waiting story.....

This has been a story full of waiting and at times not knowing what we are waiting for.  This has never been a straight forward situation.  It has always been risky and unknown.  But, God has always been with us each step of the way. However, God is REALLY trying to get the message to me that I need to wait and He does not intend to let me forget the message.  So since He is continually giving me the theme, I will continue to wait!  I want to share with you some of the ways God has told me towait.  I was laughing about it again tonight because once again God was telling me He has me right where He wants me and that is WAITING!

Why am I telling all of you this?

I write these things because I know God is going to do something big and He has big plans for us.  I don't know what they are and it may not be bringing home this baby, but He has us here for a reason and I want all of you to get to see Him work too!  I want you to see His glory in our adoption #3!  On top of these stories all throughout this journey at times when I have been discouraged God has always given me a verse or some type of encouragment at just the time when I would need it.  It would "just happen" to be a verse in my daily Bible reading that would "jump" out of the page at me.  

Now for what you have been waiting for, the waiting stories....

• Story #1:  There was a point, sometime in November, that I was worn out emotinally.  I had been strong and had faith that this was all going to happen and things were getting more and more confusing and I was just ready to know if this was going to work out or not and I told Daniel, "I'm tired of being strong, I'm done, I'm ready to move on."  This was said right before I went to bed.  The very next morning I woke up and the first thing I did was look up the Bible verse the kids needed to learn for school.  The verse was, "Wait for the Lord, be strong, take heart, and wait for the Lord."  I could not believe the very words I used the night before were in the verse.  Okay God, guess you want me to be strong a little bit longer and wait a little bit longer.
• Story #2:  In the midst of the couple of weeks that we had not heard anyting I was getting a bit discouraged.  My Mom called and said she wanted to tell me something.  She told me about her friend calling, a friend she hadn't talked to in awhile.  The friend asked her how she was doing and told her that God had laid our family on her heart.  She said she had been praying and that God laid it on her heart that day to call and ask my Mom what she should be praying for.  So my Mom was giving her an update on all of us and she started talking about our adoption situation.  Her friend said, "that is it, that is what God is wanting me to be praying about, thanks!".  I found it so encouraging and comforting to know that God had laid it on someone's heart to pray specifically about our adoption process.  My Mom told me to hang in there and keep waiting  God hasn't forgotten about you or the situation.
• Story #3:  I mentioned this above but Daniel and I had decided to move on if we hadn't heard from her by Sunday (this was a Sunday in November).  We were going to tell the agency to show our profile again if we didn't hear from her.  Well, we heard from her that Sunday and it was very encouraging what she said to us.  So, once again I got the message, hold on Christy,wait!   I still want you right here, right where I have you!
• Story #4:  Week after Thanksgiving.  Agency is putting pressure on us to move on.  We don't feel like we can move on.  I spoke to a minister friend of ours that knows about the situation and is involved.  He said, "wait".  He could have said it in many different ways but as soon as he said the word wait I smiled to myself and said, "okay, God, I'll keep waiting".  It is oh so hard to wait, but I will wait.
• Story #5:  This brings us to today.  I had a pretty rough day yesterday.  I was pretty down and discouraged.  Really not understanding what is going on and not sure how to proceed from here.  I completely trust that God has this and He definitely knows what is going on.   However, it is so hard to know what to do or plan when you don't know if you will have a baby in a few days or if this is all just going to fizzle and not go anywhere.  Today I've been on a "high"  and my faith has been pretty strong.  So I went from a pretty deep low yesterday to a pretty high, high today.   I have Bible Study tonight and it has been awhile since we have met so I was not really familiar with what we were going to cover.  So, I got my book out and started to read.  On the very first page here are some of the phrases I read.... "....theirwaiting consists of hopeful endurance secured by a promise they know is on its way."  That is how I felt today on my high, I feel like God has something (even a baby) on its way!  It goes on to say, "....even while we're waiting and it seems like nothing is happening, God is still working."  Yep, I've felt that way and I believe God is working!  The next page says, "What sacrificial, scary, risky, or costly decision have you made in obedience to God?  And what were the results?  (Be honest if it hasn't been easy.)"  Well, let's see Adoption #3 has been all of the above and NO it has NOT been easy.  I was upset yesterday because I feel like people (and the agency) think we are crazy for holding on and holding out hope because of all of the crazy ups and downs and unknowns.  Then my study goes on to say, "God does not always call us to the normal or logical."  I feel like God has called us here and we don't know why and sometimes it doesn't seem logical but we both feel this is where He wants us and we are going to stay here.  

Thank you God for bringing us here.  This was certainly not the easy way, it has been a long, bumpy road and at times felt like there were HUGE mountains in the path.  We still don't know where You will take this or if it will end in us bring a baby home.  But we know You have us here.  And we want to be right where You want us.  Lord, we know you can move mountains and we pray that You will!  But, even if it doesn't turn out the way I hope, I know you had us here for good and You will bring about good from it (and You already have).  Please help me as I continue to wait...sometimes not patiently.  Forgive me for that and for my doubts.  May You be glorified in all of this AMEN!!!

Time for an update

Hey Guys,

Guess I haven't updated in a few weeks.  I did meet with the birthmother and social worker a couple of weeks ago.  It was a good meeting and I found out a little more information on the birthmother, what she likes, where she is from, just general information like that.  Our social worker gave her some paperwork to fill out and told her that she would need to eventually meet with the birth father in person.  She has now told him about her plan to place the baby for adoption and he seemed to be willing to go along with the plan.  She wanted us to meet him and we tried to work out a meeting last week but that didn't work out.  I am waiting to find out if we can schedule a time to meet with him.  Daniel is excited to be able to meet him.  I'm a little more scared!  She thinks it will be good for him to meet us and see us.  He wants to make sure we aren't crazy!  :)

So anyway, it is good he knows now.  Continue to pray for him and his cooperation in all of this.

I have texted almost daily with the birthmother.  After our meeting she texted me and told me that she wants us to adopt her baby and no one else.  She asked if we were willing to do that.  We obviously said, "yes".  She still seems very set on placing the baby with us.  It is still about 5 months away to the due date, so we will see how things go from here.  Keep praying!

Here are some specifics you can pray for....

• She is still very sick.  Has been in the hospital once for dehydration.  She will not buy the anti-nausea medicine because one is not covered by the insurance and the other makes her sleepy.  I have tried to encourage her to buy the medicine and let the agency (meaning us) cover the cost of the meds.  She doesn't want us to have to pay for anything (which is nice - but we could help).  So I'm not sure what she will do.  I am worried about her and the baby.  She can't keep anything down and hasn't been able to for weeks.
• Pray that we will get to meet with the birthfather, that the meeting will go well, and that he will sign all the papers required.
• She recently lost her job, she has lots of children to provide for and is looking for a job.  She is worried about this, especially being pregnant.  

That is all for now.  We appreciate your prayers and are happy to have you along with us on our journey!

Trip to see Uncle Richard

We were able to take a short trip to visit Uncle Richard this weekend.  He is undergoing chemo treatments for stomach cancer.  Please pray for him!

Lessons at the Grocery Store

So I have had conversations with lots of parents about how their kids teach them alot about God.  Well, today I had one of those lessons in the grocery store.  My sweet little girl wanted to get me a candy bar (this is a common occurance - not sure why she wants to do this, I think part of it is living vicariously through me since she can't eat them due to allergies).  I said, "no, we aren't getting anything else today"  (she had already asked for gum and multiple items at the check out line so my patience was already running low).  She started to fuss and complain and whine.  I asked her to please stop fussing.  She then said, "I was just trying to make you happy", to which I replied "what would make me happy is if you would obey and stop fussing."

I replayed the event with her at home and told her that what she didn't understand is that what makes Mommy happy is obedience, not candy bars.  Mommy does like candy bars but they are not what make me happy.  If you want to make Mommy happy all you need to do is obey and not complain and whine at me.  

Does this remind you of a Bible story?  It did me!  I pictured Saul talking to Samuel.  He was saying to Samuel but I gave God all of these sacrifices.....and Samuel told him that God doesn't want your sacrifices, He wants your obedience.  Now, God did like sacrifices and he did require them, however, what was most important to Him was Saul's obedience....not a gift!

You can read the story for yourself in 1 Samuel 15

Here is verse 22:

But Samuel replied: "Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams."

So, this is a good reminder to all of us that God desires our obedience more than anything else we could offer to Him!

My sweet little girl making a silly face!  :)

Tomorrow

I am meeting with the birthmother and the social worker tomorrow for lunch.  Pray that it all goes well.  The birthmother is still very set on adoption but is nervous about how she will feel afterwards.  I think our social worker or an adoption counselor will be able to help her know how she will feel and know how to deal with those feelings.  Not really sure what we are doing at the meeting tomorrow.  So, I'll update you later.

Adoption # 3 Bible Verse

With all of our adoptions we have had  a special Bible verse that was meaningful to us at the time of the adoption.

Hannah's verse is:
Ephesians 3:20-12
"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever!  Amen."
Those of you who know her story know this is very fitting.

Benjamin's verse is:
1 Samuel 1:27
"I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him."
If you know Benjamin's story this is a very fitting verse!

So I was wondering if there would be a special verse for adoption #3.  God gave me the verse this week through conversations that I had with the birthmother.  She mentioned the verses that her pastor had told her to read, Prov. 3:5-6.  I told her those were good verses and we discussed them for a little while.  The next day Daniel answered some questions she had e-mailed him (dealing with discipline, sports, etc.) and he answered her and then we didn't hear back.  I got nervous fearing she didn't like his answers about discipline or something else.  However, I had a conversation with her later that night and she said she was not bothered by the e-mail at all, in fact it was an answer to her prayers.  She has not been able to explain how it answered her prayers but she continued to talk on how she really felt adoption was the best thing for the baby and once again brought up Prov. 3:5-6 and mentioned that God was directing her paths.

I read that chapter of Proverbs that night and was thinking on the verses and on our current situation.  I started thinking how this adoption I'm really having to rely on God for EVERYTHING!!!  We feel like He led us to where we are and we feel like we are where He wants us to be.  However, we don't know the ending yet.  We aren't sure why we are here.  She needs lots of support and love and we are offering that to her.  We hope it ends in a baby but a lot could happen in 6 months.  Right now all we know is that God wants us here to minister to her and from there we have to trust Him.  It is going to be a long 6 months waiting to see how this all ends!  But I was reminded that no matter what happens I need to be reminded to trust God.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understandings.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."  Prov. 3:5-6

No matter if the baby being born in December is ours our not, this is the verse for baby #3 because we have  no idea what God has in store.  We just have to trust Him with all our hearts, and not lean on our own understandings (and not allow fear and doubts to creep in), and we have to trust that He will direct our paths.

Adoption update

Here is where we are currently in our adoption.....

We met with a birthmother last Tuesday.  She is about 3 months along and due in December.  She wants to meet with us again and we were supposed to meet with her on Tuesday but the social worker had to cancel.  She seems pretty set on adoption but is really wanting to make sure we are an okay family to place the baby with.  She said she has some more questions for us.  I've actually been e-mailing her back and forth since Tuesday.

We are excited about the possibility.  We know God brought us to her and we know that He wants us to minister to her in any way we can.  We went to the meeting on Tuesday not knowing if any of this would result in us bringing home a baby but we both felt a peace about that.  We really feel like God wants us to care for her and help her in any way we can.  We are not sure if she is a Christian or not but we hope that we can share God's love to her and when opportunity arises to share the Gospel.  She has a lot going on in her life right now and needs lots of support.

So, here is how you can pray:

• Pray for her and her decision to place the baby for adoption.  Pray that God will give her guidance and wisdom, and comfort as she moves forward with an adoption plan
• Pray for her as she tells her husband about the pregnancy and the adoption plan.  He does not know at this point.  This makes it a tad bit more scary for us not know whether he will support an adoption plan.  
• Pray that God will give me peace as I have a long 6 months to wait and see what He will do!  I know He is in control but fears can rise up!  I fear that we can go the whole 6 months and it fall through and then we will have to wait again.  But, if that is the path God wants us to go, we know He will lead us through it!  Hopefully, in Dec. we will be bringing home a baby!

Reason for the confidentiality of the blog now.....

I know it is more of a pain for you to have to sign in to view the blog.  However, for the privacy of the birthmom and us I have set this up.  We found out about her through a minister we know.  She knows that my Dad is a minister and his church.  So, it would be easy for her to find my blog through my Dad's blogs.  If I want to be able to share my thoughts on adoption and be open with you guys I need to be able to know she will not read it.  Not because I will say anything negative about her.  I just don't want her feeling uncomfortable for any reason.  She lives close to us and so you never know who knows her or has seen her or met her.  All of these reasons make me want to make this more confidential than our other two adoptions.

Limited Use

Hey Guys,

Not sure who all reads my blog.....

So, I'm about to change this blog to "restricted" where you have to have a username and password to log on. I would love to keep all of you up to date on our adoption process so please comment on this post if you want to be able to log in to read. I will need your e-mail address so I can e-mail you the login information.

Thanks!

Christy

The ups and downs of adoption and the SECRET to being content

Adoption is such a roller coaster of emotions. You get so excited when you finally decide, "okay it's time", then you get nervous about the process, the homestudy, what will the social worker think of us, what will she write about us, etc. Then you get excited that the homestudy is finished and they can finally start showing your profile. As time goes by you get a mix of emotions, excited anticipation, cautious excitement (a very hard emotion), excitement someone is looking at your profile, sadness that you weren't picked, excitement about a new situation, disappointment, frustration, impatient, patient, trusting, lacking trust, optimism, pessimism, questioning (why is it taking so long, have I done something to keep it from happening, these are otherwise known as false guilt, etc.). Then you see God do something and you have a renewed sense of faith and trust and excitement. Sometimes you want to pack your bags because you are just sure that God is going to do something big and soon! Sometimes you laugh at yourself because how silly to put God on YOUR timetable! up down up down up down.....that is how our wonderful human brain and emotions work! God made us that way! We can't always control our emotions but there is one thing we can always have no matter what emotion we are feeling and that is JOY (if we are Christians and have the Holy Spirit in us)!

I've been teaching the kids the following verses:

1 Thessalonians 5 :16-18 "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus"

More thoughts on being joyful, not worrying, and being content:

In Philippians chapter 4 Paul tells the people to "rejoice in the Lord always" (vs.4), to "let your gentle spirit be known to all men" (vs.5), and tells them to "be anxious for nothing" (vs.6). Sometimes those things may seem impossible but Paul gives us some insight on how this can be accomplished. Verse 6 goes on to say "in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God" In verse 7 he says that God will guard our hearts and our minds and give us peace. If you continue reading on in chapter 4 Paul moves into contentment (which in my opinion is tied to rejoicing and not being anxious). Then Paul tells us the SECRET. It is the SECRET that we can all cling to. Many people take this SECRET out of context but if we put it in the context of the whole chapter the SECRET is pointing back to all of the things Paul has addressed in the previous verses. So here it is, he is how we can go through life and rejoice in all things, no matter what our emotions are or how we feel at the time, we can do it all without worry and without discontent if we keep this SECRET in mind:

I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME!!!!! (vs.14) Yay! What a wonderful secret, a secret that shouldn't be kept! We can do it and we can do it because God gives us the strength. While you are in Philippians keep on reading. Vs. 19 is very encouraging as well!

Oh and just in case you are curious where I am emotionally today.....I'm excited again. The tax refund is here! That means we have the money (at least some of it) to pay for an adoption! God is good and He has provided! I'm also excited because I have our doctor visits scheduled and I have a plan for when we can get our fingerprints and background checks updated! Hoping to have all updated paperwork by the end of next week or early the next week! How exciting (and yet frustrating we have to do it all again....hehe).

Homestudy Update

Well, the time has come to update our homestudy. It has been a year since our first homevisit from our social worker. I had hoped this time would not come, but it has. So I will begin to schedule homestudy visits, doctor visits, fingerprinting, background checks, etc. I really hoped God would bring us a baby before we had to do this but that was not His plan!

Once again there are so many mixed emotions that go along with this. I don't want to do all of this again and yet I know I must make myself because I desire to have another baby. So I will do it and I will continue to trust God. It is hard but He is with me.

Update on the financial situation: God provided us with someone to fix our heat/air unit at a much cheaper rate. God also is going to provide through our tax return, which should get to us this month. We are hoping it will take care of some issues with the car, with medical bills, and with our next adoption!

Keep praying! I'm hopeful that 2011 will be the year God brings us a baby, but if not we will still trust!

Easter

He's Always Been Faithful

Days like today I like to reflect on how faithful God has been to us in the past. You see, our Christian faith is easy to live out when everything is going fine and dandy and it is also easy to live out when things are not IF you believe that God is faithful and He always keeps His promises. God wants us to persevere as Christians. He doesn't want us to just praise Him when all is well; He wants us to praise Him when things are in an uproar (see James 1:2-4 and 1 Peter 1). He gave us His Word so we could learn how to love Him, serve Him, and glorify Him no matter what the circumstance. He gave us glimpses into the lives of Abraham, Jacob, Joseph, Job, Moses, Joshua, Paul and so many others so that we could see things don’t always go the way we planned BUT He has a plan despite what goes on in our lives (as a result of sinful human beings, a fallen world, or just for no other reason than it was God’s plan (see Job) ). He gives us examples in Hannah, Abraham and Sarah, Elizabeth, Moses, Mary and so many more that “nothing is impossible with God” (see Luke 1:37, Genesis 18:14).

Not only did God give us examples in ordinary people’s lives, He also gave us words of wisdom and comfort; some spoken through prophets and teachers, some from the mouth of Jesus himself. In Matthew chapter 6, a portion from “The Sermon on the Mount”, Jesus tell us that we should seek His Kingdom First and then all these other things will be added unto us. These other things are all the things we need in life (food, clothes, shelter, etc. (see the rest of Matt. 6)). He comforts us in Philippians 4 by reminding us to Rejoice in the Lord, don’t be anxious about anything, God will give us peace! I could go on and on about how God gave us His word to be beneficial to us to help us in time of great need or in times of joy. The Bible is useful to us in everyday life for ALL things, what a blessing that God has given it to us. 2 Timothy 3:16 “All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness.”

On top of the Bible we also have our experiences to look to. God has been faithful in the past and He will be again. At this particular point in our lives we have a lot of unexpected bills. We have doctor bills, adoption bills, car repairs that need to be made, heat pump that needs to be repaired or replaced, broken x-box, etc. It would be so easy to get discouraged, give up, say “this is too hard, we can’t do it” BUT we have our faith in God, the Bible and our past experiences to remind us. God’s got this, He’s got it all, it is in His hands. About 6 years ago we were in the midst of filling out adoption paper work, we had a car that kept breaking down and costing us hundreds of dollars to fix each time it broke down. I made around $16,000-17,000 a year and I was the primary bread winner. The car finally had its last straw and died completely. We didn’t have the money for a new car, we were trying to save for an adoption! Long story short we got the car. Very shortly afterwards we got the baby and an adoption that cost about what I made in a year. But guess what; God had this, He had it all under control. Nope, we couldn’t afford a car, we couldn’t afford an adoption, But God could! He took care of it and we had the adoption paid off in less than a year and the car paid off in that year too (we even bought a house and adopted another baby within that year (the baby was a little more than a year later but just about 13-14 months)! God has it all under control. Once again here we are hopeful to get a baby soon and we have all these crazy bills coming in that we didn’t expect. Once again I know God is going to show us Who is in control! It certainly isn’t us!

Hope that no matter what you are going through now, good or bad that you are able to “Rejoice in the Lord” knowing that it is because of Him you are where you are right now!

Thanks for reading; writing is therapeutic for me! J

School

Can't believe it but my babies are old enough for school! We registered them tonight for Kindergarten. We are going to start both of them in Kindergarten next year. Benjamin is on the same level (if not a higher level) academically as Hannah. So we decided not to hold him back another year. He is reading; and reading quite well (she can do it but won't). The other day we were in Lifeway and he was reading Daniel book titles. The one I heard him read was "radical" of course he read it with the last "a" being a short vowel sound but hey, he was close. So anyway, we have made the decision to go ahead and start him in school.

We are going to homeschool the kids but they will be attending a tutorial school once a week, that is where we went tonight to register them. I think it will be a great opportunity for them to have interaction with other kids and other teachers! I'm their teacher at home and most of the time at church so it will be good for them.

It will be exciting to send them to school and also teach them at home. I have enjoyed looking through curriculum and making decisions on how I want to teach them and what curriculum I want to use.

Preparations

Tomorrow I am mailing an application to an adoption agency in Florida. This agency works with birthmothers across the US but mainly in Florida. So, who knows, we may just be getting a Florida baby!

It is so tough to fill out adoption paperwork. You have to decide which situations you will and will not accept. There are choices that involve the family history of the birth parents, their children, and their parents (mental diseases, cancer, diabetes, sickle cell, etc.) and there are choices that involve substance abuse while pregnant (these can be scary and you want to make sure you are making an informed decision). So Daniel and I read through these things tonight, made our choices, signed and sealed the document. Now we leave that and those decisions in God's hand and trust that He will bring us the right baby for our family.

A few days ago I was a bit discouraged that it has been a year since we bought our van and decided to go ahead and start the adoption process. I was hoping to have that van filled up by now! :) However, I started getting excited about the possibilities with this placement agency in Florida. I got so excited I started making preparations (even before we mailed the application).

Here are some of the things that have run through my mind and I have started dealing with in preparation for a phone call that our baby is ready to be picked up.

• Hannah care plan - I started thinking that if we got a call about a baby and have to leave as quickly as we did when Hannah was born I would not have time to let someone know about all of Hannah's medications, food, etc. So I have now typed out a Hannah care plan and e-mailed it to mine and Daniel's parents since they would probably be the first to be able to get to our house. This includes a packing list in the event that someone is able to bring the children to us during the intra-state compact waiting period.
• I have been thinking I might want to pack a bag too (this is so silly since we haven't even mailed our application but these are the impulses I'm having today). With Hannah we had no time to pack and Daniel was sound asleep. He didn't pack anything but a toothbrush and that is because I reminded him. He had to go buy stuff at Wal-mart the next day because I rushed him out of the house before he could think! So I figure to plan ahead and have a bag with toothpaste, toothbush, socks, and underwear is a good start! :)
• I'm thinking about how if we get a match in Florida that we could have a nice beach vacation while we are waiting to leave the state (note to self: pack swimsuits in that bag)
• As I was going through adoption paperwork I was also reminded of our Guardianship plan. This is the plan of what will happen to our children in the event of "our deaths or incapacitation" I e-mailed this to my Mom so someone else would have a copy. It kindof scared me to do it. It made me think that I'm planning for my "death or incapacitation" which I'm hoping won't be anytime soon. Hannah and I have been talking a lot about heaven lately and she said, "If you go to heaven before me then Grani will take good care of me" Well, I have no doubt that our friends and family will take great care of my babies if I were to leave this earth before them. But in some ways I feel like Hannah when a few weeks ago she said, "I just want to stay home" Our finite human brains can't comprehend heaven and leaving this earth. However, I know what the Bible says and I know if we have trusted Jesus as our Savior that when we die we will be present with Him! And in this I take hope and know I don't have to worry! This will be a good thing and something to look forward too! And contrary to what some may say if you die without Jesus you will spend eternity separated from God in Hell, are you prepared?
• The other thing my brain is trying to figure out is the financial aspect. Do we go ahead and apply for a loan now so that the money is there when we need it? Do we wait? How long does it take to get a loan? So I'll start investigating this in the very near future.

So for now I will prepare what I can and think through what I can. I think it is okay to plan as long as you understand that your plans may not be God's plans and you need to be willing to adjust your plans to His will. So throughout this adoption process I will continue to pray and ask God to direct us and lead us where He would have us to go and to make the plans that He would have me to make. I don't have to fear because I know He is in control of all of it! It doesn't matter what I say or do or plan, what matters is what God has planned; and it will be good!

Proverbs 16:3 says:

Commit your works to the LORD And your plans will be established.

Proverbs 16:9 says:

The mind of man plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps.

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Birthday Girl

Yesterday was the actual day but what a busy one it was. So here are some pictures of the birthday girl.

Can't believe she is 5! She insisted on wearing a dress and she went to Toys R Us and bought some of her favorite animals, a lizard, a killer whale, a shark, and a manta ray (cousin to a sting ray).

My Valentines and Birthday Boy

Faithfulness of God

February is a very special month for our family. I tried to "highlight" the Readers Digest Version of the story but for some reason it won't let me change the color. So you might just have to read the long version.....

We can go back as far as 2001 to an Andrew Peterson concert, it was Valentines Day 2001. It was at that concert that Daniel won a date from a drawing we had all entered when we filled out a "data match survey" from the Student Activities Council(?) (was that called SAC?). Anyway....winning this date gave him a good reason and maybe a little more courage to ask me out on a first date! :) [Side note: We had been hanging out for quite a while and we pretty much did EVERYTHING together at this point, however, we never had an OFFICIAL date). We started officially dating in April of that year. This was the start of a lifetime of Valentine's Days for us.........

Fast forward, we got engaged, got married, had our struggles with infertility and then started the adoption process.

February 1, 2006 was our homestudy interview. This is a 3 hour interview at the home. At this point we already had our other paperwork in, this was the last step in the process for us before we could be matched to a birthmother.

Feb. 1-12 (we got two calls about babies that didn't work out)

Feb. 13, 2006 we got a call about a baby girl. We were told she was an African-American baby girl, due to be born at the end of the month. We were asked if we were interested and of course we said "yes". So at that point we got a fax with more information, we signed some papers and we were officially matched and waiting for our baby to be born at the end of the month.

I was so excited that I went out that night and bought some pink things (socks, hats, blankets). Then we had to get ourselves into gear to get our required 24 hours of adoption training finished so we could bring the baby home. We could easily get this done in the two weeks before the baby was born.

Feb. 16, 2006, I was at work in the library at Southern Seminary and Daniel was working there too. I got a call from the agency telling us that there were issues with the birthfather and that they were not longer going to work with this case. So, we were not getting the baby girl.

After Daniel and I got off work we went out to eat. We were sad but not distraught. A bit confused because God had provided the money we needed for fees that were due as soon as we brought the baby home. The check had come either the 12th or 13th. Things seemed to be falling right into place for us to bring this baby home. But, we trusted God knew what he was doing and we were okay.

We got home and Daniel had to go to bed (he had to be at UPS early, early morning), I stayed up and layed on the couch watching the winter olympics with our dog Job. I was also waiting for a phone call from our good friends who were in the hospital waiting for their little one to be born. I got up for some reason and looked at the cell phone. I had a message on the phone. It was from the birth mother advocate. She said the birthmother was about to go in for a c-section and that we needed to call her. I immediately called and she said "You need to get to Bowling Green, your baby is being born and the birthmother wants the family here as soon as possible. How long will it take you to get here?" SOOOOOOOO I was very confused and said, "we were told we were not getting the baby" and she told us things have changed come (we had not heard from the director of the agency but we went ahead and drove to Bowling Green, hoping that we really were getting this baby girl). Anyway, I quickly packed, woke Daniel up, and as we were heading out the door got the call our friend's baby girl, Ruth had been born. I said, "our baby has been born too and we are headed to Bowling Green!" Daniel was so sleepy and he gathered the car seat and other things I asked him to grab but neglected to pack for himself! :)

So our Hannah was born Feb. 16, 2006 - what a day, thinking we were not getting her and then getting her, it was just 3 days after we learned of the match, and a very short 16 days after our homestudy visit! Wow! God is good! God is faithful! He can do "Immeasurably more than we can ask or think"! (Eph. 3:20)

In February 2007 Benjamin was born. This was also completely from God! We were working on updating our homestudy for some twins. The twins didn't work out and the agency told us they had a baby that was born on Valentine's Day and wondered if we were interested. Of course we were! We spent the rest of the month of February and part of March getting the needed paperwork finished so we could bring him home. Though we didn't bring him home in February we did know about him and were working so hard to get him home! He came home at 6 weeks old, March 26.

And now it is February again. A time that I reflect on how faithful God has been to us in the past. I know He will continue to be faithful. It is so hard waiting for another baby. My "babies" will be 4 and 5 this week! I am so ready to have another baby. But, I know that God is good, God is faithful, and God's timing is best. The month of February is a special reminder of all these things for me! I don't know if God will bless us again in the month of February with another baby, but I do know that He will always be faithful to me! That is just His character!

God is always faithful, good times and bad. He will never leave us. He offers salvation to all who call upon the name of Jesus. He doesn't always promise us easy times but he always gives us the grace we need for the tough times. He always keeps his promises and He loves us and I believe he likes to give us good gifts! For His Glory! He has given me such wonderful gifts in Daniel, Hannah, and Benjamin! I can't wait to see what He does next!

I found this verse tonight:

Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands. Deut. 7:9

Waiting Room (2)