Does she cry in Korean? And other questions parents get.

I found this article about things people ask adoptive parents. The article not only tells you what not to ask but how you can be more sensitive when you ask about the kids. I have already had some of these questions asked of me and don't worry I have yet to be offended but it is always good to think a question through before you ask.

Well, I tried to get the the article and it is gone so I will just highlight some of the article here. My comments are in bold):

Adoptive parents of foreign-born kids (I'm sure it is the same with any adopted child) get these questions all the time:

Is she your real daughter?

How will you teach him English?

How much did she cost?

Kris Huson of Children's Home Society and Family Services in St. Paul calls these "the grocery store questions." Though usually well-intended, they can make an adoptive parent cringe.

Other questions in the article that you would be amazed people ask/say:
One mother had a co-worker say "its amazing that you were able to get such a beautiful child from such a poor country" (the child was from India)
Kristin Vonnegut's mother asked "Are you going to become Buddhist?"after Vonnegut decided to adopt from India. "Which is funny," says Vonnegut "because most Indians aren't Buddist." Vonnegut's father-in-law wondered why she wasn't adopting from Mexico, where "they are much more docile."

Not all comments are amusing...the last came from a co-worker who said "People will think he's a terroist," prompting Jenkins to ask, "how can a 20 month old be a terrorist?" Can you imagine the nerve of people! Just because of the skin color they assume people will assume the baby is a terroist or will be!

Further down in the article:

So what is the right thing to ask? First, know that adoptive parents aren't hypersensitive souls who parse every statement, looking for something offensive. We love talking about our kids. And we understand the most people aren't trying to be insensitive; they just don't know how, or sometimes what, to ask.

Still when addressing and adoptive parent you might want to rethink the following questions:

How much did he cost?
What you probably mean is "How much did the adoption process cost?" That varies, with most of the cost going to administrative fees. Some parents find this question intrusive, others are happy to answer, but none of us likes to think of our kids as having price tags on their foreheads.

What happened to her real mom?
We know you mean "birth" or "biological" mom, but it is still a sore subject. Adoptive parents are real parents and some can be really touchy about this. Try to use the b-words, birth or biological, and we will try to understand when you forget.

Why was he put up for adoption?
A fair questions, but don't be offended if we decline to answer. Many parents consider the details private, and want the child, when he or she is old enough to understand, to know the information before others do.


So anyway it is an interesting article - sorry I can't get you the whole thing - if you want it I can make a copy of it for you. It was written by Bill Dawson for the Star Tribune and they delet articles after 3 weeks.